Our Sickipedia which art online, shallow be thy name. Thy sickos come, thy will be done, at home as it is online. Give us this day our daily library gag. And forgive us our duplicates, as we forgive them that duplicate against us. And lead us not into statistics, but deliver us from burial. For […]
Continue ReadingMy friend has this gorgeous woman working as his maid. She’s deaf, but really good at lip reading. Well, I’ve been trying to woo her so I figured I’d offer to help with the housework, but she just got offended. All I did was ask if she’d like me to vacuum.
Continue ReadingI got chucked out of the opera last night. They don’t like you joining in.
Continue ReadingEntered a farting contest the other day. Mine wasn’t the best but it wasn’t to be sniffed at.
Continue ReadingI just bought a goldfish, but unfortunately it’s epileptic. The weird thing is as long as I leave it in the bowl, it’s fine. The second I take it out to play fetch, it has a seizure.
Continue ReadingThe doorbell went last night. I’ve reported the theft to the police.
Continue ReadingI met my wife on holiday in Egypt and for our fifth anniversary I’m taking her back. Hopefully I can get a refund for her off that beardy bloke.
Continue ReadingOver the years I’ve lost count of the amount of women that have tried it on with me, but I always knock them back. I love being a bouncer.
Continue ReadingI’ve had to come home because I got a paper-cut whilst working in a casino, I just couldn’t deal with it.
Continue ReadingIt’s a terrible old world when half of African mothers will either lose their children to famine, disease, Madonna or Angelina Jolie.
Continue ReadingOn patrol in Afghanistan one of the guys said, “Watch out for the cross fire” I said, “Wow, I didn’t expect to see the Ku Klux Klan here”
Continue ReadingI was having a kick about with my mates at the playing fields yesterday. I said to them, “I bet I can do something so amazing that it will blow your mind” I picked up the ball, ran the full length of the field, then dove onto the floor between the sticks. I ran back […]
Continue ReadingA friend asked me what self-evident meant. I would have thought it was obvious.
Continue ReadingI’ve just dropped my cat in an ice cream maker. Who wants a McFluffy?
Continue Reading“And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best” Sony 16:9
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