As I sat watching the start of the football with my blonde girlfriend, she chirped-up, “Did you see that? I’m sure one of the Greek players wasn’t singing the national anthem. That’s disgusting.” “Well Greek must be a difficult language to learn,” I said tongue-in-cheek, “they don’t have the same words or letters we do.” […]
Continue ReadingStella: Because the gals ain’t gonna beat themselves.
Continue ReadingI’m off to a really fancy hotel this weekend, Apparently they’ve got a swimming pool, Hot tub and even a spar. So that will be handy If I need some milk or tea bags.
Continue ReadingI hate how slowly pensioners cross the road. It’s just no challenge to run them over.
Continue ReadingI can’t wait for Reading Waterstones is gonna be wild!
Continue ReadingMy mate called me today and said, “I’ve just had a huge fight with the wife. Have you got a spare bed for a few weeks until I find a flat?” “I’m afraid not,” I replied, “but I’ve got a sofa, if that’s any good.” “Perfect,” he said. “You’re an absolute legend! I’ll send her […]
Continue ReadingMarriage is just not very important in my book. That’s why I omitted mine from my autobiography.
Continue ReadingSome people are as complex as the pricing strategy at Poundland.
Continue ReadingI was walking through town earlier, when I saw a window of opportunity. I don’t know why I bother looking in the job centre really.
Continue ReadingMy wife made me a cup of tea. It’s the most ridiculous fancy dress costume I’ve ever seen.
Continue ReadingWhy couldn’t the Captain’s girlfriend see? He came in the Birdseye.
Continue ReadingI went to the weigh in for the Haye vs Harrison fight. But the door was locked
Continue ReadingI was in my local restaurant tonight & I ordered a steak. The waiter said “Well done sir?” I said “Thanks, it was nothing”.
Continue ReadingI have an Eskimo fetish, but most people just aren’t that Inuit.
Continue ReadingI went to get my palm read the other day, but as I was sitting down at the table I managed to knock over her crystal ball. Ended up costing me a fortune.
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