When my three-year-old son opened a birthday present from his granddad, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I turned to my dad and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?” My dad smiled and simply […]
Continue ReadingWhenever I see those weekend dads, pushing some screaming brat about in McDonalds, face like thunder, I really wonder how many times they think to themselves… Was all this really worth 5 or 6 seconds of pleasure?
Continue ReadingIf my dead chronic masturbating grandfather could see what the world has come to now, he’d be tossing in his grave.
Continue ReadingI was in the botanical gardens and saw an unusual tree which had lots of Israeli children playing in it. Turned out to be a juniper bush.
Continue ReadingNow we’ll never know if Gazza’s chicken, beer and fishing rods would’ve made a difference.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a chinese woman on fire? Mel Ting
Continue ReadingI called my wife and said, “Help me, I’m in Tesco’s and I can’t move.” “Why not?” she asked. I said, “I’m in the frozen section.”
Continue ReadingMy mate is the king of put-downs. He’s a vet.
Continue ReadingWhat’s with all the anti-police jokes on here? Every Breath You Take is a brilliant song.
Continue ReadingFilling your car with Diesel is much cheaper than petrol. Its only 40 quid a bottle in Superdrug.
Continue ReadingChewbacca forgets to delete his history before letting his girlfriend use his computer….wookie error
Continue ReadingWalked down to the beach earlier The coast was clear
Continue ReadingMy mate went on holiday recently and ended up coming home in a box. I told him not to fly with Ryan Air.
Continue ReadingTwilight, taking the “n” out of “vampire fangs” since 2007
Continue ReadingYears ago, when someone was tired, they went to bed. These days they turn on their computer and tell all their “friends” on Facebook that they’re tired, and then they go to bed. Alone.
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