Getting older is like a g …
Getting older is like a game of chess It’s long, boring and I honestly don’t really know what I’m doing
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
She said “Harder!” I did …
She said “Harder!” I did that. She said “Faster!” I did that. She said “Deeper!” I philosophized.
Continue ReadingI was sick of all those b …
I was sick of all those black youths hanging around in the forest outside my house… so I cut the ropes
Continue ReadingMe and my mates were play …
Me and my mates were playing cricket in the park earlier with a Mr Potato Head. No one batted an eyelid.
Continue ReadingThe ball was in position …
The ball was in position so I took a long run up and gave it the hardest kick I could… Broke my toe and got banned from Bowlplex.
Continue ReadingI was locked in a room wi …
I was locked in a room with a PC and forced to play default Windows games the other day. It was solitaire confinement.
Continue ReadingAll I got for my last bir …
All I got for my last birthday was a pack of sticky playing cards….. I found it really hard to deal with.
Continue ReadingI’ve not managed to get a …
I’ve not managed to get any work for 3 months now, at my job in the condiment factory. Apparently, the demand for staff there is seasonal.
Continue ReadingMy ginger son’s birthday …
My ginger son’s birthday is today. I’ve explained in previous years that we don’t get him any birthday presents because it’s so close to Christmas. It seems to upset him, especially because we’re Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas.
Continue Reading“21 die in Venezuela cras …
“21 die in Venezuela crash” and this is why we do not want that annoying plastic trumpet in our stadiums…
Continue ReadingThe wife walked into the …
The wife walked into the living room after a day at work and saw the place looking like a pig sty. “I’ll give you a hand tidying up if you want,” I said. “Lord help me,” said the wife looking at the mess. “No need to be so formal,” I said, “Dave will do”.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I suck at em …
My wife says I suck at emphasising things ominously It makes me too angry … Almost TOO angry!
Continue ReadingAfter a few too many pint …
After a few too many pints, this was the evening’s last chance to show everyone my singing voice. Grabbing the microphone I really went for it with my favourite Sinatra song, ‘my way’. The audience were spellbound, they’d never seen anything like it, not even my two earlier songs in the night. At the point […]
Continue ReadingI had a look at a new rib …
I had a look at a new ribcage yesterday, but decided against it. My heart just wasn’t in it.
Continue ReadingI got a text from an unkn …
I got a text from an unknown number saying “I am the one and only! xx” I rushed home to my girlfriend, who was standing at the door with an expectant smile and her new phone in hand. “Guess what babe?” I said. “What is it hun?” She said knowingly. “Chesney Hawkes has my number!”
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