My son just told me what …
My son just told me what my wife had got me for my birthday ‘as a prank’. A broken trumpet. I didn’t like the sound of that..
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I’m the Black Eyed Peas’ …
I’m the Black Eyed Peas’ new manager. Don’t believe me? well.i.am!
Continue ReadingA man with no culture is …
A man with no culture is a pain in the arts.
Continue ReadingMy dyslexic mate just ran …
My dyslexic mate just rang and told me there’s been a death at an Army Warehouse somewhere in London.
Continue ReadingI only drink beer to cele …
I only drink beer to celebrate major events, such as the fall of communism… … or the fact that our fridge is still working.
Continue ReadingI once realised you could …
I once realised you could make a fortune selling leaves to vegetarians. Ever since then i’ve been raking it in.
Continue ReadingI recently bought a secon …
I recently bought a second keyboard, so I can indulge in some stereotyping.
Continue ReadingI smashed my car into a b …
I smashed my car into a bus stop full of people last night, got away with a broken arm. Don’t know whose, but it’s mine now.
Continue ReadingI think I should get a ne …
I think I should get a new alarm clock. My current one keeps going off really early in the morning.
Continue Readingi bought some gingerbread …
i bought some gingerbread men today, but when i was about to eat them, there was nothing in there and i realised i’d bought some ninjabread men.
Continue ReadingKnowledgeable, intelligen …
Knowledgeable, intelligent, sapient and clever. Those are some wise words.
Continue ReadingI went to my therapist an …
I went to my therapist and said, “My wife was eaten by an evil man. I need a film to cheer me up.” “Gladiator?” she asked. “No,” I replied. “I’m not, that’s why I came here for help.”
Continue ReadingWhat did the peanut say w …
What did the peanut say when it sneezed? Cashew
Continue ReadingWhilst in bed my wife sai …
Whilst in bed my wife said she knows i’ve been cheating with the girl next door. I was relieved when she made it clear that she was talking about my next door neighbour, not my daughter in the next room.
Continue ReadingThe wife’s been telling e …
The wife’s been telling everyone she can drive a car. If only she could back it up.
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