Last night I had a one ni …
Last night I had a one night stand. It was my first and last night as a security guard.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was sitting in the pub …
I was sitting in the pub with my mate the other day when he said to me “I’m going to have a few pints then sort my problems out.” I always knew he was a Lager then Life kind of guy.
Continue Reading‘If you’re repeating a ga …
‘If you’re repeating a gag from a comic…’ Please guys, never steal someone else’s gag. Just last week someone stole one of mine and I was absolutely furious! My new one doesn’t block out my daughter’s screams nearly as well!
Continue ReadingJust found out my wife, a …
Just found out my wife, after promising not to, has been selling kitchen utensils behind my back. I’ve been de-sieved by her.
Continue ReadingIt’s ironic that I had to …
It’s ironic that I had to Google “Bing” to find it.
Continue ReadingI am going to plant trees …
I am going to plant trees in the garden, but I think there’s enough. I’m getting Sycamore.
Continue ReadingWhat’s yellow and sits in …
What’s yellow and sits in the corner? Naughty bulldozer.
Continue ReadingEver since acquiring my u …
Ever since acquiring my u-shaped binoculars things really have been looking up.
Continue ReadingIs anyone else suing Sick …
Is anyone else suing Sickipedia for the replacement of their F5 key?
Continue ReadingIn my job I’m used used t …
In my job I’m used used to seeing hot screaming women, I’m a fireman.
Continue ReadingI shaved a hedgehog today …
I shaved a hedgehog today… It was pointless.
Continue ReadingSo I said to this Doctor …
So I said to this Doctor in the pub today. “Do you treat alcoholics?” He said “Not usually, but what you having?”
Continue ReadingAs my wife walked out of …
As my wife walked out of the door she said, “I’m not as stupid as you think, you know”. After she’d gone I said, “You’d better alert the pilot, stewardess”
Continue ReadingI remember when I was a k …
I remember when I was a kid, I was at a family dinner. There was this huge chocolate cake for afters. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. My Grandad saw me and said, “go on, no-one’s looking.” I said, “are you sure?” “Course I’m sure,” he replied. So I whacked him in the mouth.
Continue ReadingI jumped into a taxi and …
I jumped into a taxi and shouted, “Follow that car!” I chuckled to myself because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but then I started to feel a bit silly. So after a few moments of silence, I put the key in the ignition and set off to my first pick up.
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