As my plane flew through …
As my plane flew through the clouds, I started to get nervous. What if we hit all that data people are storing up here now?
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I tried to buy a rare bot …
I tried to buy a rare bottle of aftershave but couldn’t afford it. In the end i used my common scents.
Continue ReadingMy neighbour showed me hi …
My neighbour showed me his beehive and then kept going on about the bees not making any honey. It was just drone, drone, drone.
Continue ReadingJust seen the Facebook Gr …
Just seen the Facebook Group ‘I Hate Conformity’. Yes, because starting a group against conformity really dodges that bullet.
Continue ReadingI was looking forward to …
I was looking forward to our local amateur dramatic society putting on a production of Jack and the Beanstalk. But they’ve had to cancel it over fears of E. Coli.
Continue ReadingBBC News: ‘Hundreds of tr …
BBC News: ‘Hundreds of trout found dead in Cornwall river’ There’s definitely something fishy about this.
Continue ReadingIn a recent drive towards …
In a recent drive towards “customer service” the National Health Service now wants to call people ‘clients’ and patients ‘customers.’ As usual, they’ve missed a golden opportunity – to rename the salad-dodging jumbos at the obesity clinic ‘consumers.’
Continue ReadingBBC News: ‘British pair f …
BBC News: ‘British pair freed from pirates’ Why steal our fruit in the first place?
Continue ReadingApparently, plucking hair …
Apparently, plucking hair out of a mole is completely painless. I disagree. The one in my garden starting squealing and ran back to it’s hole.
Continue ReadingWent to the doctors today …
Went to the doctors today, he said i think you might have John McEnroe syndrome i said..YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS !
Continue ReadingI joined the debating soc …
I joined the debating society at school the other day. Clearly misunderstood what my teacher meant when he said we would have a maths-debate…
Continue ReadingMy missus asked, “If you …
My missus asked, “If you won the lottery would you still stay with me?” I said, “No.” She said, “That was a bit blunt.” I said, “Oh sorry, Nah.”
Continue ReadingChristmas is a holiday wh …
Christmas is a holiday which i really hate. Theres nothing about it to which i can relate. So every December 25th i kick off my shoes, go down to the deli and hang out with the jews..
Continue ReadingI was on my way to the We …
I was on my way to the West end on the tube and I accidently dropped my Wallet containing both my Oyster card and Musical tickets. Some cheeky slapper tried to pick it up and slip it in her pocket. I said “Hey, that’s my fare lady!”
Continue ReadingBBC News: Walker, 68, fou …
BBC News: Walker, 68, found dead in Italy. Walking and dead at the same time? Impressive. Your move David Blaine.
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