A girl just shouted me ov …
A girl just shouted me over on the beach. She said, “Hey gorgeous it’s really hot how do you like the idea of standing there and wafting me down?” I replied, “To be honest love, I’m not a fan.”
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I’m not actually sure whi …
I’m not actually sure which is worse. On my application form for Hull university to study psychology, where it asked why I wanted to study psychology, I put as a joke, “To get inside a girl’s head, so I can get inside their pants”. Or the fact that they accepted me and gave me books […]
Continue ReadingA lot of people don’t lik …
A lot of people don’t like JD Sports. I find I’m much better at darts after a couple of whiskies
Continue ReadingWhat did the elephant say …
What did the elephant say to the naked man? “How do you breath through something so small?”
Continue ReadingThe other night, I was in …
The other night, I was in bed trying to sleep. A very drunk woman came stumbling into my room. I began to speak out to the woman, but my curiosity to see what the woman would do silenced me. She climbed onto my bed. I leaned up, watching this woman inch her way toward my […]
Continue ReadingI’ve never read my daught …
I’ve never read my daughter’s diary. No kid that sits and writes in a diary is doing anything worth worrying about.
Continue ReadingBras are like coffee; thr …
Bras are like coffee; three cups is too many.
Continue ReadingI used to work as a croup …
I used to work as a croupier, until I broke my arm. I found it hard to deal with.
Continue ReadingResearchers said today .. …
Researchers said today ….. ‘Chimpanzees deal with death like humans’ What a load of twaddle…….. I’ve never seen a chimpanzee post a dead human joke on Sickipedia yet!
Continue ReadingFirst Oslo and now Amy Wi …
First Oslo and now Amy Winehouse. This shows that shooting up will get you in the news.
Continue ReadingMy wife said that she’d l …
My wife said that she’d like some brackets up on the wall. So I went over to it with my marker pen and asked what she’d like me to write between them.
Continue ReadingFool shop keepers into th …
Fool shop keepers into thinking you’re an armed robber by wearing a balaclava, pointing a gun to their head, and asking them to empty the till.
Continue ReadingGonna try a bar I’ve neve …
Gonna try a bar I’ve never been to tonight. The 5th one on my iPhone.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend dumped me b …
My girlfriend dumped me because of my addiction to Monopoly I begged her to give me another chance…
Continue ReadingI went to the shops to bu …
I went to the shops to buy some mint chocolates, but I didn’t know what to get. I spoke to the woman on the till. She said: “Do you like hard cores or the softer type?” “Both, but I’m after the mints, love.”
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