I’ve just bought a pub fo …
I’ve just bought a pub for a pound. Bar gain.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Yay i just brought a bag …
Yay i just brought a bag of air for 75p from the shop!! I got 7 crisps free! 😀 and a few crumbs
Continue ReadingI went shoplifting with m …
I went shoplifting with my brother-in-law the other day. I took some gift tags and he took the wrap
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a postman and a postwoman? A few letters.
Continue ReadingI split up with my girlfr …
I split up with my girlfriend last night. Rather than announcing that we had broken up on Facebook, I simply deleted her and then requested her again. When she accepted my request it stated that we were now friends.
Continue ReadingI get complaints from my …
I get complaints from my neighbours because I always walk about my garden wearing only my boxers. I don’t see what the problem is, I think they make a lovely hat.
Continue ReadingI was upset last night af …
I was upset last night after my wife had a real go at me for using too much sarcasm. I feel better now though, the five hour drive to work in the snow this morning really cheered me up.
Continue ReadingWhy is it that if I say t …
Why is it that if I say to my wife, “Wow, you look good enough to eat!” she considers it to be a good thing, but if I see what she’s cooked for dinner and say “Well, it’s good enough to eat” I get a slap?
Continue ReadingI recently tried to save …
I recently tried to save a dog from drowning whilst on holiday in China… …but I burnt my hand on the saucepan.
Continue ReadingI for one am against plan …
I for one am against plans to ban Muslim women from wearing the Burka in Britain. But then, I am a huge Star Wars fan.
Continue ReadingI was at the airport, che …
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an airport employee asked, “has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “if it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and added, “that’s why we ask, sir.”
Continue ReadingChildhood is like being d …
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Continue Reading“Darling I’m knackered! I …
“Darling I’m knackered! If you want, you can have a chinese on me tonight,” said the wife, before falling asleep. I feel a bit bad eating it all now… The doctors reckon the burns from the tinfoil containers will take years to disappear from her stomach.
Continue ReadingThought I’d give the stoc …
Thought I’d give the stock market a go earlier. I bought an oxo cube.
Continue ReadingI like making geographica …
I like making geographical puns, but I’d never make a Korea out of it though.
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