I took a holiday to see t …
I took a holiday to see the Brazilian rain forest before it disappears. All that’s left is a thin strip down the middle.
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Lemonade: Giving help to …
Lemonade: Giving help to unfortunate lemons
Continue ReadingYour mum’s so fat that I …
Your mum’s so fat that I wouldn’t be surprised if it caused her some minor health problems, or even some troubles in her day-to-day running of things. She may also suffer from lack of confidence, self-esteem issues and/or minor depression. I would suggest for her to get some counselling.
Continue ReadingI bought some batteries t …
I bought some batteries the other day but they weren’t included.
Continue ReadingA distant relative of my …
A distant relative of my mother’s has had more than ten abortions, so I have at least ten cousins once removed.
Continue ReadingWhat is the best way to g …
What is the best way to get rid of Staines? Demolish the city and extend Heathrow!
Continue ReadingI wrote the book on procr …
I wrote the book on procrastination. Well I’ve done two chapters.
Continue ReadingPhilanderers: wear shirts …
Philanderers: wear shirts with lipstick-coloured collars.
Continue ReadingWhich famous American lin …
Which famous American linguist also ate short people? Noam Chompsky.
Continue ReadingBob is sitting on a train …
Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the guy across from him. “Hey,” says the guy, “why are you staring at me?” “Whether you believe it or not,” says Bob, “you are the spitting image of my wife. Except for the beard.” “I don’t have a beard,” says the guy. “No, but the […]
Continue ReadingI travel the land, Asking …
I travel the land, Asking rides from kind strangers: I’m a hitchhaiku.
Continue ReadingChicks dig miners. …
Chicks dig miners.
Continue ReadingDid you know, if you took …
Did you know, if you took all of the obese people from England & all of the obese people from America & put them in one place, that place would be Disneyland.
Continue ReadingI used to enjoy working i …
I used to enjoy working in a bank, but recently I’ve lost interest.
Continue ReadingI spent yesterday at the …
I spent yesterday at the zoo looking after my children. They seem much happier now they’re all in the same cage.
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