My boss told me I was sac …
My boss told me I was sacked because I was too immature. I was furious. Luckily though, before I left I spat in his coffee.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’m going to open a book …
I’m going to open a book store and make the mystery section really hard to find, and when people ask me if I have a mystery section I can say “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”
Continue ReadingNo one likes to be taken …
No one likes to be taken for a mug. So I’m going into hospital to have the handle removed from my side, as a precaution.
Continue ReadingIf McDonald’s were to low …
If McDonald’s were to lower the cost of a cheeseburger by just 1p, they would double the amount of money they give away to charity each year.
Continue ReadingTwo chickens were distrau …
Two chickens were distraught when a tornado destroyed their home. Don’t worry, they’ll be able to recoup.
Continue ReadingI hate having to go down …
I hate having to go down to the Jobcentre- I’m surrounded by people who are lazy, have no skills, stink of booze and are content to live off the taxpayers teat. And then we have to open up and deal with all the unemployed people.
Continue ReadingYou know who I feel sorry …
You know who I feel sorry for? Those sad blokes whose car exhaust pipes aren’t big or loud enough to pull women.
Continue ReadingSome say a world without …
Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there’s only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan.
Continue ReadingSmart Cars. Giving False …
Smart Cars. Giving False hope in car parks since 1998..
Continue ReadingDamien Hirst partner has …
Damien Hirst partner has walked out on him for another man. Like a dead cow in an art gallery he must be gutted.
Continue ReadingMy friends wanted to call …
My friends wanted to call me Mr Manipulative. I was able to persuade them to call me something else though.
Continue ReadingIf your child is afraid o …
If your child is afraid of the dark you can ease their fears by telling them monsters see better with the lights on.
Continue ReadingMorrissey: A man so depre …
Morrissey: A man so depressed, the bottle hits him.
Continue ReadingI bought a print copy of …
I bought a print copy of a newspaper this morning. I didn’t get a chance to go on the Internet yesterday so I thought I’d better catch up.
Continue ReadingI used to be an arrogant, …
I used to be an arrogant, self-important know it all, so I went to a hypnotist to see if he could help me. Now I’m perfect.
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