My wife and I have now ac …
My wife and I have now accepted each other in an intimate way that will make us truly one, but I think I am going to regret it. We have just got a joint bank account.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I can’t believe how long …
I can’t believe how long its taking for the ‘geniuses’ at Gillette to bring out a new razor with six blades!
Continue ReadingI was at the self-checkou …
I was at the self-checkout at supermarket today when a message popped up which read “Could you do with one less bag?”. “Yes”, I thought, “but unfortunately she’s my mother-in-law”.
Continue ReadingI keep getting mail offer …
I keep getting mail offering the secret to lasting longer in bed! No thanks, When I’m paying by the quarter hour 8 minutes is plenty for me thank you.
Continue ReadingI got my wife some traine …
I got my wife some trainers today. One to teach her how to wash up properly, and one to teach her how to iron properly.
Continue ReadingGot sent a text that said …
Got sent a text that said “gnikniht” I thought “that’s just backwards thinking”
Continue ReadingTwo hipsters walk into a …
Two hipsters walk into a bar you’ve never heard of…
Continue ReadingI told a French guy “Ive …
I told a French guy “Ive just been up Frances most iconic tower it was amazing!” French guy : “Eiffel?” Me : “Shouldnt have leaned over so far then you daft surrender monkey”
Continue ReadingJoe leaves his house at 3 …
Joe leaves his house at 3.50 am, with 17.60 in his pocket. He arrives at the all-night garage at 3.57 am, and buys the following; 8 Kit-Kats, at 40 pence each 2 tubes of Pringles, at 1.65 each 3 Pepperami Firesticks, at 70 pence each 2 Litre bottles of Ginger Ale, at 1.19 each Now; […]
Continue ReadingHow stupid would you have …
How stupid would you have to be to answer a rhetorical question?
Continue ReadingI pay the lady next door …
I pay the lady next door to iron my clothes topless while I watch. When my mum found out she said I was a pervert for looking at her naked. I said, “She’s not completely naked. It’s all above board.”
Continue ReadingI was shown a molecular l …
I was shown a molecular level diagram earlier but couldn’t see any of the particles. I swear I was looking right atom.
Continue ReadingI thought it would be hil …
I thought it would be hilarious naming my kids Frank and Stein, just to see the look on people’s faces when they ask if I have children. And I was right. It is. I mean, what sort of name is Stein anyway?
Continue ReadingWhen I heard someone had …
When I heard someone had found my headphones I was so happy, it was like music to my ears.
Continue ReadingI met the bloke who inven …
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name. It’s P something T something R.
Continue Reading