BBC News: A man was left …
BBC News: A man was left with serious head injuries after he was attacked by a busy road. Police have arrested the M25.
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I stole post-it note from …
I stole post-it note from my boss’ office today… I’m really going to stick it to the man.
Continue ReadingGordon Ramsay reminds me …
Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper. Only with more headlines.
Continue ReadingA young father is waiting …
A young father is waiting nervously outside the maternity ward. At last a nurse appears, carrying triplets. “That’s a great service,” says the young father, “I think I’ll take the middle one.”
Continue ReadingTerminal illness is dying …
Terminal illness is dying out.
Continue ReadingMy wife has always said t …
My wife has always said that what you don’t know can’t hurt you. We’ll soon see about that, she doesn’t know I’ve cut her brakes.
Continue ReadingI found out today that I …
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper. I tick all the right boxes.
Continue ReadingI was watching my son spl …
I was watching my son splashing around in the bath this morning. Unfortunately my wife came in and grabbed him before he drowned.
Continue Reading“Come on.. Will you just …
“Come on.. Will you just try it for size?” I asked my wife, “I spent loads on it and I only bought it because I thought you’d look great in it.” She didn’t reply. She just stood there slowly shaking her head and staring at the coffin.
Continue ReadingI tried to tune my guitar …
I tried to tune my guitar by ear and it was really hard. Probably should have used my hands.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Homeless man m …
BBC News: Homeless man murdered by Gang at a bustop. Poor guy.
Continue ReadingI like to go into the Bod …
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud, “I’ve already got one!”
Continue ReadingYo Mama’s so old, she onc …
Yo Mama’s so old, she once posted a joke on Sickipedia and it wasn’t a duplicate.
Continue ReadingI’ve just deserted my wif …
I’ve just deserted my wife. I slapped her with a chocolate gateau.
Continue ReadingI bought some Sainsbury’s …
I bought some Sainsbury’s “Taste the Difference” triple chocolate cookies. They all seemed to be chocolate – hardest game ever.
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