Women up and down the cou …
Women up and down the country are giving “Fifty Shades of Grey” the thumbs up. And fingers no doubt.
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My wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me ‘because my displays of immaturity over the course of our relationship number too many to recall’. Heh heh heh. She said ‘number two’.
Continue ReadingI just found out my girlf …
I just found out my girlfriend has a huge collection of bees. She’s a keeper.
Continue ReadingHow come every time Argos …
How come every time Argos bring out a catalogue it has 5000 new items in it Yet the catalogue never gets any bigger?
Continue ReadingI told my friend that an …
I told my friend that an Octopus has Tentacles. He said “I thought they only had eight”
Continue ReadingDid you know Hugh Laurie’ …
Did you know Hugh Laurie’s mother had red hair? A ginger-bred House.
Continue ReadingI’m being put under an aw …
I’m being put under an awful lot of pressure by my wife at the moment. She’s 25 stone.
Continue ReadingMy postman wants to be a …
My postman wants to be a standup comedian. He should be ok but he really needs to work on his delivery.
Continue ReadingI farted in front of my n …
I farted in front of my new girlfriend’s mother last night. She was not impressed. I’ll try harder next time I see her, and make the fart louder and longer.
Continue ReadingThere is a new anti-incon …
There is a new anti-incontinence wine for urinal incontinents. It’s called Pinot More
Continue ReadingI’ve started putting No M …
I’ve started putting No More Nails on my fingers because I’m lazy.
Continue ReadingThe human brain is amazin …
The human brain is amazing……. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams
Continue ReadingI said to my new girlfrie …
I said to my new girlfriend, “I think your dads got it in for me.” She said, “Has he? Thanks Dad, we’ll shout you if it comes back out again.”
Continue ReadingCall Of Duty Gamers. Temp …
Call Of Duty Gamers. Temporarily blind and disorientate your opponent by unexpectedly ripping open his bedroom curtains.
Continue Reading“Once you go black, you n …
“Once you go black, you never go back!” I shouted as I threw my 3 week old bananas in the bin…..
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