Author: qjoq.com

I fell into the Beaver enclosure at the zoo. I’ll be dammed.

Today I was stopped by an NSPCC worker, who said to me “Do you like kids?” Surely they have subtler ways of catching paedophiles?

I’ve been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I’ve seen it six times and there isn’t.

Walking down the road, I saw a man kneeling beside a heavily pregnant woman on the ground. “Quick!” he shouted “you’ve got to help me, my wife’s in Labour!” I ran over and put my hand on her shoulder “it’s alright love,” I said “at least you’re not in the Tories.”

What’s the point in pin the tail to the donkey? The sharp bit.

I took acid last night. My chemistry teacher was furious.

My dad always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits.