Whilst on sentry duty in …
Whilst on sentry duty in pitch darkness i suddenly saw a horse and rider,clad in armour, charging straight at me. I quickly took off my knight vision equipment.
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I am a highly successful, …
I am a highly successful, well-known and respected electrician. I owe much to my father’s advice. “Always stay grounded, son”, he used to tell me.
Continue ReadingI’m at the start of the a …
I’m at the start of the alphabet, it’s hard to see why.
Continue ReadingWhen my wife dies, I’m co …
When my wife dies, I’m considering having, “Here lies a fat munter” on her grave. Although nothing’s actually set in stone.
Continue ReadingI broke my X-Box the othe …
I broke my X-Box the other day. My dad bought me a PS3 to console me.
Continue ReadingTwo delivery men were car …
Two delivery men were carrying a large piano up 21 floors when one man said to the other -“I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we’re on the 21st floor” -“okay what’s the bad news?” -“we’re in the wrong building”
Continue ReadingIf my six-year-old neighb …
If my six-year-old neighbour were a raffle, I would enter her.
Continue ReadingI have a step dad. He sle …
I have a step dad. He sleeps outside at the front door.
Continue ReadingMy Dad was a man of very …
My Dad was a man of very few words, one day he said to me “Son…”
Continue ReadingI’ve got a new job playin …
I’ve got a new job playing the triangle in a reggae band, and ting.
Continue ReadingA traffic cop pulled alon …
A traffic cop pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the young lady, who was driving, was knitting. Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the policeman wound down his window, turned on his loudspeaker and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’ ‘NO’, […]
Continue ReadingMy ex girlfriend asked me …
My ex girlfriend asked me if I was any good at hiding. That was the last time she ever saw me again.
Continue ReadingTwo types of people that …
Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I’m sober. Sober people when I’m drunk.
Continue ReadingI was playing Scrabble an …
I was playing Scrabble and put down S-P-A-S-T-I-C. Got a cripple word score for that.
Continue ReadingChinese authorities are b …
Chinese authorities are becoming more and more concerned with their kids copying Western bad behaviour on the streets. A spokesman said, “chopstick crime is up by 30%.”
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