The difference between ob …
The difference between obese and thin people is HUGE..
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
As a teacher I love the h …
As a teacher I love the holidays I get, but I remember looking at the calendar last year thinking ‘how am I going to fill six weeks?’ It was easier than I thought. I used a felt tip.
Continue ReadingMy wife is in a band call …
My wife is in a band called ‘Golden Showers.’ She’s had more number one hits than Madonna.
Continue ReadingI’ve just taken up speed …
I’ve just taken up speed reading. Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds. I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!
Continue ReadingA stunning blonde went to …
A stunning blonde went to see her GP. “Miss Tracy Johnson, how can I help you?” asked the doctor. “It’s my memory doctor, I can’t remember a thing five minutes after I’ve done it,” said Tracy. “Just take off all your clothes and lie down,” said the doctor.
Continue ReadingI’ve just injected myself …
I’ve just injected myself with a lethal dose of Heroin mixed with Nitrous Oxide. At least I’ll die laughing.
Continue ReadingNews Headline: “Police sa …
News Headline: “Police save woman trapped in bog.” … we’ve all been there.
Continue ReadingWhy didn’t the tan cross …
Why didn’t the tan cross the road? Cos of the sine
Continue ReadingWhenever you feel down ju …
Whenever you feel down just do what i do, scratch a scratch card near a homeless guy and then go nuts shouting you’ve won ten grand, once you see the look on their face you’ll instantly feel good again.
Continue ReadingI wanted to see if my loc …
I wanted to see if my local builders were busy by looking at their website… But it was under construction.
Continue ReadingI was excited to hear my …
I was excited to hear my mates had organised a weekend of parachuting but it was a big disappointment. I thought we were going to be hunting crippled athletes.
Continue ReadingTo all those pretentious …
To all those pretentious douchbags who use foreign words to make themselves look intelligent and well travelled – stop it. Capiche?
Continue ReadingI’m sick and twisted. I h …
I’m sick and twisted. I have a curvature of the spine that causes me to vomit sporadically.
Continue ReadingI work in a joke shop. Or …
I work in a joke shop. Or Lidl as they insist I call it.
Continue ReadingWent for a job interview …
Went for a job interview as a comouflage expert last week. I didn’t turn up, and i got the job!!
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