I was walking through the park when a woman asked for the time. So I looked at the the sun and said, “It’s 8.45pm, miss.” She was so amazed she asked me out for a drink, I’ll not tell her the sun was setting beside a clock tower.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s recorded a short stand-up set in which he tells a number of jokes about peas. You should check out his podcast.
Continue ReadingI have an addiction to Cheddar cheese. Although it’s only mild.
Continue ReadingI did some research the other day into whether private or public schools were better. It wasn’t comprehensive.
Continue ReadingI hate it when I am in a shop and I’m being served by a fat girl, it makes me feel so awkward. I feel like I have to avoid looking at her in case she gets the wrong idea.
Continue ReadingI keep finding vomit on my doorstep………. I think it’s some kind of sick joke.
Continue ReadingDeafness is getting to become quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I’d hear myself say that.
Continue ReadingI think my Stephen Hawking action figure is broken.
Continue ReadingAfter coming back from the Caribbean holiday, it was straight round to the Mother-in-Law’s to show her the photos. “This is the hotel. It was gorgeous.” “This is the beach. Just look at that white sand.” “This is the pool. Oh, it was fantastic.” “And this is my favourite,” I said. “It’s the x-ray of […]
Continue ReadingI just attached pieces of curved wood to the bottom of all my chairs. They rock.
Continue ReadingPeople are always telling me to get fit. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Continue ReadingA Facebook page has been set up from a joke I made. Now he wants me to confirm him as a friend since I am his father.
Continue ReadingIt takes a lot to become a successful thief.
Continue Reading…….”And I would’ve got away with it too, if it wasn’t for meddling with kids!”
Continue ReadingI was washing the car with my son earlier, He didn’t make a very good sponge…
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