Tip Of The Day: Dress up …
Tip Of The Day: Dress up as a wizard and pretend you have magic powers by removing the chip from your oyster card and putting it into a wand!
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So what’s it like hearing …
So what’s it like hearing voices in your head, I hear you ask?
Continue ReadingI keep missing the toilet …
I keep missing the toilet. It got stolen by some thugs last week. I just hope it’s ok.
Continue ReadingSales of my new book “How …
Sales of my new book “How to save money by cutting down your telephone use” have slumped. The book shop said there’s been no call for it.
Continue ReadingMy wife wanted a more sec …
My wife wanted a more secure future so I’ve invested half of all our money in stocks for her. I’ve invested the other half in rotten fruit.
Continue ReadingChristian lesbians are al …
Christian lesbians are always willing to turn the other chick.
Continue ReadingI’m off out after in my p …
I’m off out after in my pyjamas with a bucket going shop to shop,trying to raise some money for children in need. My two want an Xbox 360 and a Nintendo 3DS this year.
Continue ReadingI’ve found my new hobby- …
I’ve found my new hobby- Drinking heavily and online shopping. Because it feels great to drink, and even better to shop. But if feels spectacular to receive surprise gifts from myself in the mail.
Continue ReadingI can’t seem to find ‘Cha …
I can’t seem to find ‘Chameleon’ in the dictionary.
Continue ReadingI was in the pub at closi …
I was in the pub at closing time with my mate last night, I said “can I borrow your phone please? I need to call a taxi and I’ve left my mobile at home” He said “sure, you can use my new iPhone” Anyway, to cut a long story short, it took me about half […]
Continue ReadingFound out today why there …
Found out today why there are many women who like partical physics. It’s so they are never far from an ion.
Continue ReadingWas looking round a new h …
Was looking round a new house today, asked the estate agent if i could use the toilet, she said yes so long as i dont claim squatters rights. Theres that plan foiled.
Continue ReadingMy dog’s got synaesthesia …
My dog’s got synaesthesia. How does he smell? Purple.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Audley Harrison …
BBC News: Audley Harrison “i’ll be there with David tonight” I’m sure David already has a driver, Audley
Continue ReadingI’m saving money on my en …
I’m saving money on my energy bills. I’m using my piggy bank as a paperweight.
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