I don’t know why all thes …
I don’t know why all these Americans are complaining about the police using pepper spray. For most of them it’s the closest they’ll get to having one of their 5-a-day.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Bought a one trick pony. …
Bought a one trick pony. Frankly, he is not even good at that. His card control is useless.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a large ma …
I’ve just seen a large male deer thrashing it past me in a Ferrari at 150 MPH. I think it was the stag.
Continue ReadingWell it’s that time of ye …
Well it’s that time of year again… Handing out Sweets to young children. Except this time it’s handing them out from my house… And not the back of a van.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me she’d had …
My wife told me she’d had a crush on someone. Hard not to when you’re as fat as she is.
Continue ReadingI’ve no idea what’s going …
I’ve no idea what’s going on with this weather. It’s gone really cold again just like it did last winter. Crazy.
Continue ReadingBoss: Why aren’t you work …
Boss: Why aren’t you working!? Me: Because i didn’t see you coming
Continue ReadingLast night my girlfriend …
Last night my girlfriend phoned me from the US. She was in a poor state. Mississippi in fact.
Continue ReadingThe bloke who invented ma …
The bloke who invented mansize tissues must’ve known some really little blokes.
Continue ReadingMe and my mates were tryi …
Me and my mates were trying to organise a bank job. We didn’t even get an interview.
Continue ReadingLast night, hot words fle …
Last night, hot words flew between us. She threw alphabet soup in my face.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a bird that can …
I’ve got a bird that can predict the future. It’s an omen pigeon.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between T-mobile and the human centipede? The human centipede actually connects people.
Continue ReadingStatisticly 60% of people …
Statisticly 60% of people end up in the bins outside after liposuction.
Continue ReadingGot to work this morning …
Got to work this morning to find antlers growing out of my head. I must have used too much moose this morning.
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