Today’s the 150th anniver …
Today’s the 150th anniversary of our local RNLI. This calls for a big celebration. I think we might be pushing the boat out tonight.
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Big fights between Irish …
Big fights between Irish and Polish. I guess they’ll be on seperate flights back to Glasgow?
Continue ReadingMy friend told me he was …
My friend told me he was looking for a new girlfriend yesterday. I said “Didn’t you just get a new one last week?” He said “That’s the one im looking for”.
Continue ReadingThe residents of San Fran …
The residents of San Francisco have sent a message of sympathy to the people of Haiti. They’re just glad it wasn’t their fault.
Continue ReadingI just saw that they ‘ve …
I just saw that they ‘ve launched a “Twilight” fragrance range, Now you too can smell like the undead.
Continue Readingwasn’t allowed to join th …
wasn’t allowed to join the x men because they said i needed more than just my bear hands !!!
Continue ReadingSince suffering horrendou …
Since suffering horrendous facial burns, my neighbour has been knitting non stop. Despite my best intentions, she doesn’t like the new nickname I’ve given her. ‘Scarf ace’.
Continue ReadingI went on a date with a b …
I went on a date with a black bird last night. We went to a crow bar.
Continue ReadingJust been using the Zoosk …
Just been using the Zoosk dating app on facebook and having looked at some of the profile pictures i have to say the name is quite appropriate.
Continue ReadingI’ve always been a pretty …
I’ve always been a pretty funny guy. In fact I came out of my mother’s womb telling a joke. If I recall correctly, it was pretty funny, but the delivery wasn’t that great.
Continue ReadingMy wife says she’s leavin …
My wife says she’s leaving me because she’s tired of the constant “silly, immature mind games”. I’m devastated. It was her go at Jumanji, and I can’t get rid of the monkeys now.
Continue ReadingWhy are working men’s clu …
Why are working men’s clubs always full of blokes who aren’t at work?
Continue ReadingI like my tomatoes how I …
I like my tomatoes how I like my one liners Straight from the Vine
Continue ReadingThe British couple who wo …
The British couple who won 161 million on the lottery have discovered an instant way to look thinner, and they say America already feels like home.
Continue ReadingAm thinking about marketi …
Am thinking about marketing chopsticks as an enhancement to masturbation, just can’t think of a name for them.. fiddlesticks..
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