My friend asked me last n …
My friend asked me last night if I liked hanging from the ceiling, spinning round. I replied, ‘I’m not a fan.’
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Got home from work and ju …
Got home from work and jumped in the shower. Tomorrow I’m installing a trampoline to make it even more bouncy.
Continue ReadingI’m so proud of my Africa …
I’m so proud of my African pen friend. He tells me he hasn’t had a drink in weeks. Hang on in there mate.
Continue ReadingI told my girlfriend I ha …
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said, ‘No, permanent.’
Continue ReadingI legally changed my name …
I legally changed my name to Bruce Banner. It’s got me out of many a parking ticket.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Nick Griffin’s fav …
What’s Nick Griffin’s favourite part of a supermarket? The Czech Out.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else here thi …
Does anyone else here think that it’s too much of a coincidence that Windows 8 is set to be launched in 2012?
Continue ReadingI went to the gym earlier …
I went to the gym earlier and started showing off my guns to the ladies. I’m now sat in a cell waiting for the police to charge me with possession of firearms.
Continue ReadingMy wife and I have a son …
My wife and I have a son who likes lighting fires. He’s arson.
Continue ReadingAccording to Facebook, pe …
According to Facebook, people from Liverpool get tagged most in pictures posted on the site. Usually with the comment “wanted.”
Continue ReadingI don’t know what a ship’ …
I don’t know what a ship’s chimney is called. Funnelly enough
Continue ReadingI recently signed up for …
I recently signed up for a website dedicated to science calculators. It won’t let me Log In.
Continue ReadingBeer. The reason I get up …
Beer. The reason I get up in the afternoon.
Continue ReadingWhy do you never see elep …
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re very good at it!
Continue ReadingDriving on the motorway I …
Driving on the motorway I just saw a sign saying “snow slow down” and I thought to myself why would the snow pay attention to a sign.
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