What do you call a guy pl …
What do you call a guy playing snooker with a pint on his head? Beatrix Potter
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Keep the seat next to you …
Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
Continue ReadingI asked my mate to tell m …
I asked my mate to tell me an alternative name for an Eskimo. Ian knew it.
Continue ReadingEscalators never break do …
Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs
Continue ReadingI work at an employment a …
I work at an employment agency for people with disabilities. I received this letter today – “H , my name s rcky and am blnd” Poor guy can’t use his I’s.
Continue ReadingMy career’s looking up, I …
My career’s looking up, I’m a gynaecologist.
Continue ReadingJust broke a mirror in th …
Just broke a mirror in the doctors surgery. He said jovially, “7 years bad luck!” then sat me down & told me I had 3 months to live.
Continue ReadingYou know, I’ve been on ha …
You know, I’ve been on hard times lately and there’s always been a group of people there for me no matter what. Through the credit crunch, Jade’s cancer, through Michael Jackson dying, through Obama becoming president and now the anniversary of 9/11. Though these group of people are always there for me, they get enough […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought the wife …
I’ve just bought the wife a smart car. And she instantly fell in love with it. Personally I thought it looked stupid in a Tuxedo.
Continue ReadingWhen I was in America I d …
When I was in America I drove on the right side of the road. The left.
Continue ReadingMy mates always say to me …
My mates always say to me “You have the best job ever. I cant believe you actually get paid to photograph naked women.” “Well, doing post-mortems does have its perks.”
Continue ReadingThere I was, minding my o …
There I was, minding my own business, when boom. Woman driver.
Continue ReadingI was feeling really depr …
I was feeling really depressed the other day so i popped over to see my mate who’s a dwarf, he gave me a big hug and told me everything would work out and he said he would be here for me anytime…. Sometimes you just need a little pick me up !
Continue ReadingTwo worms stood in a cue. …
Two worms stood in a cue. One says “Can you smell wood?”
Continue Reading“Where’s Rover gone again …
“Where’s Rover gone again daddy?” asked my little girl. “He’s gone to live on a farm darling, where there are lovely big fields he can run around in all day.” “That’s nice daddy. I’m so happy his legs must have grown back after you squashed them with the car.”
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