I was sat in a cafe earlier when a blonde looked up to catch me watching her eat her banana. She started sucking on it, gave me a wink and said, “Teasing you, am I?” “You sure are” I replied, “I could murder a banana right now.”
Continue ReadingI became famous for my research into the effects of hanging upside down, but it all went straight to my head.
Continue ReadingDid the makers of Freddo really think putting the price up wouldn’t be noticed?!
Continue ReadingI was in a band called ‘Screw Cap’. You may have seen us on Top of the Pops.
Continue ReadingI asked my wife if she wanted to play a board game As I handed her the ironing board.
Continue ReadingMy mates were all calling me up trying to get me to go down the pub with them but my girlfriend wanted me to stay in with her. In the end I gave in to the beer group pressure.
Continue ReadingPoverty stricken arthritic contortionists have trouble making ends meet.
Continue ReadingI know someone who named their son Dictionary. His first word was “aardvark”.
Continue ReadingSwedish officials: Pigeons now riding the subway. Wouldn’t happen in London. The rats wouldn’t stand for it.
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference between a baby and a fridge? A fridge doesn’t scream when you pack it with meat.
Continue ReadingBe careful using predictive text whilst driving in bad weather. I sent my boss a text the other day saying “Sorry I’m late, stuck in dog.”
Continue ReadingI heard the bomb found on the plane in the UK was placed inside an ink cartridge. the explosion could have been Ink-redible.
Continue ReadingSky News: OAP used RAF move to stop Robber. He must have flown at him.
Continue ReadingBaseball. It’s just not cricket.
Continue ReadingWhile I was eating breakfast, I received news that my ex-wife died of cancer. Good mourning.
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