My wife was a great sword …
My wife was a great sword-swallower in the circus when we met. Not my choice, but her amazing talent soon became neglected shortly after our wedding.
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A father is explaining et …
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. “Suppose a woman comes in and orders 20 pounds worth of material. You wrap it up and you give it to her. She pays you with a 20 pound note, but as she goes out the door you realize she’s […]
Continue ReadingStarting to suspect – jus …
Starting to suspect – just from little things she says – that my cat is trying to sell me mephedrone.
Continue ReadingI used to fool people by …
I used to fool people by putting up signs indidcating a ‘right turn’ in the road. But now I’m on the straightened arrow.
Continue ReadingMy son asked me if I coul …
My son asked me if I could help him with his geography homework. He had to divide the history of the earth into seperate time periods. “I’ll help you out”, I said, “but it’s gonna take ages”.
Continue ReadingMy father, often trying t …
My father, often trying to sound clever, came out with the most absurd statements. I remember one time he said ”Son, be careful what you say as you never know whose listening.” Why is he telling my brother that?
Continue ReadingI just bought an expensiv …
I just bought an expensive water filter. It’s so good that the water ends up being only hydrogen.
Continue ReadingDo you think dogs think t …
Do you think dogs think they have got beards?
Continue ReadingThe kitchen staff really …
The kitchen staff really helps my wife get the cooking done quicker. I say staff… but really it’s just a big stick I use to beat her with.
Continue ReadingI have the perfect soluti …
I have the perfect solution to solve all your debt problems in one go. Money.
Continue ReadingI’ve developed a simple a …
I’ve developed a simple and guaranteed way of getting a pay rise. I call it, “Doing less work”.
Continue Reading“You can’t judge a book b …
“You can’t judge a book by its cover” The phrase that drove Book Cover Review Ltd. out of business.
Continue ReadingSo I was in the chip shop …
So I was in the chip shop when the woman asked “salt and vinegar?” I said yes it does smell like that now can you get off the counter and put your knickers back on please I want some chips.
Continue ReadingHow many Germans does it …
How many Germans does it take to wring a cloth? Drei
Continue ReadingI tried avoiding vodka to …
I tried avoiding vodka today but its 40% stronger than me.
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