When I saw a positive pregnancy test left on the side in the bathroom a couple of months after my 14 year old daughter got her first boyfriend, I did what any good father would do. I waited until she was sleeping, then crept into her bedroom and hit her hard across the belly six […]
Continue ReadingI’m going to see a cage fight tomorrow night. It’s scheduled for twelve rounds against a wooden crate.
Continue ReadingAs an avid trainspotter and casual pedophile, I have been most disappointed tonight and am now considering suing Babestation under the trades description act.
Continue ReadingStairlifts drive me up the wall.
Continue ReadingTeacher: If I have 10 cakes, and somebody asks for 2, how many do I have? John: 10 Teacher: Ok, If I have 10 cakes, and somebody forcibly takes away 2, what do you have? John: 10 cakes and a dead body.
Continue ReadingIts never good when my cat thinks outside the box.
Continue Readingsickophile666: “Why are school zones 20mph? Surely that is the optimal cruising speed for peadophiles.” Mate, stop complaining. It’s nice to know someone’s on our side.
Continue ReadingI was shopping for furniture when I noticed a ticket that said “Pull out and save up to 500. “Surely pulling out saves more then that.” I thought to myself
Continue ReadingJust went to a surgeon’s car boot sale, there were all kinds of weird and interesting body parts. I left with a heavy heart.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate decided to play Chinese Roulette. We went to the Chinese restaurant in the High Street and decided to order the numbers of the first six buses that came past. Never doing that again, we were starving for half an hour then within minutes we had six bags of prawn crackers
Continue ReadingI’m totally opposed to child labour. If children start forming political parties, it might be the end of cheap trainers.
Continue ReadingI used to go out with a girl who had “Asprin” tattooed over one breast and “Paracetamol” over the other. Finest medicine chest I’ve ever come across.
Continue ReadingI saw on the news about a 3 year old girl and a baby lion sharing a cot and playing together, they seemed so happy. That your honour is why I let the adult lioness into the house, I thought my wife could use the company while I was at work
Continue ReadingI’ve cancelled the order with our potato and tomato wholesaler. There was a communication problem, so we called the whole thing off.
Continue ReadingWe all know what they say about men with big feet. “Inaccuracy like that is why we should switch to the metric system.”
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