When I saw a positive pregnancy test left on the side in the bathroom a couple of months after my 14 year old daughter got her first boyfriend, I did what any good father would do. I waited until she was sleeping, then crept into her bedroom and hit her hard across the belly six times with a baseball bat.
Seeing a trickle of blood coming from between her legs I stopped and whispered into her ear that, if she ever told anyone what had happened, I would kill her.
I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt when I went downstairs and my wife told me to sit down because she’d got some exciting news to tell me.