I’d been stalking this woman for six months when she went to the police, so last night I slipped her a canap laced with Rohypnol. I bet she never thought I’d get in first with the restraining hors d’oeuvre.
Continue ReadingSky news – Marksmen Speak At Barrister’s Inquest. Mark wasn’t present.
Continue ReadingI’ve gone off them a bit now but there was a time when I used to really dig graves.
Continue ReadingMusic related puns only lead to treble.
Continue ReadingYour life is pretty bad when you come to the realisation that you’d have more friends on Facebook if you were dead.
Continue ReadingMy mother in law made a visit today. “So,” I said. “How long are you going to stay?” She said, “As long as you want me to.” I said, “Oh, you’re not even going to stay for coffee?”
Continue ReadingI just bought some epileptic curtains. They came with free fitting.
Continue ReadingI’m setting up a website to help you find the word constructive in a dictionary. It’s under construction.
Continue ReadingDo you know what game really winds me up? Twister.
Continue ReadingMy kids will never forget the first time I took them to see the pigs, the cows, and sheep. “A farm, you mean” suggested my mate. “No. A slaughter house”.
Continue ReadingI have developed the ability to play board games, telepathically. The mind Boggles.
Continue ReadingMy boss came into the office today and shouted “Morning people, how are you?” I didn’t reply though, as I hate waking up early
Continue ReadingThe school register: The kid from Eastern Europe – Check The kid with Tourette’s – Tick The birthday boy – “Present” The deaf kid – “Ear” The kid on drugs – “Hi”
Continue ReadingStatistically every 5/3 jokes either has speling or mathematical mistakes in it.
Continue ReadingI got arrested for being unable to control my erection. The health and safety officer said it’s the most wobbly scaffolding he’s ever come across.
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