I really would kill to be …
I really would kill to be a necrophiliac.
Continue ReadingI just tried to download …
I just tried to download a tv program from the internet, but when I opened the video it was just a voice shouting obscenities at me. It was a torrent of abuse.
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I’m part of the Warburtons family because I’m inter-bread.
Continue ReadingI met a director who was …
I met a director who was a mute today He was all action,no mouth
Continue ReadingThis girl came up to me t …
This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club. I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.
Continue ReadingStatistically, 122752 peo …
Statistically, 122752 people out of 6113572 have O.C.D.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate went to th …
Me and my mate went to the work fancy dress party last night when we instantly saw the office geek dressed up as one of the evil army from ‘Lord of the Rings” We saw him coming towards us and agreed we both wouldn’t speak to him. ”Hey guys!” He shouted, bounding towards us. An […]
Continue ReadingI hosted a dinner party l …
I hosted a dinner party last night and so I hired three chefs to help with the cooking. All of the food was absolutely delicious, except the broth which was a little flavourless.
Continue ReadingI tried to find out if ou …
I tried to find out if our local Mexican bistro was actually moving the ‘Chilli’ section on its menu, but they’re keeping it under wraps.
Continue ReadingA wizard turns into a bar …
A wizard turns into a bar.
Continue ReadingGreggs advert – “All our …
Greggs advert – “All our food is made with love” I know an ice-cream man who went to jail for that.
Continue ReadingIf you count vocals every …
If you count vocals everyone can play an instrument because everyone can hum and talk. Well in that case Stephen Hawking can play keyboard.
Continue ReadingWhy is it when you run in …
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Continue ReadingI was helping the behavio …
I was helping the behavioral scientist from next door, get his trailer on the drive. “You’re doing it all wrong,” I said, “left is right and right is left.” I hate reversing a psychologist.
Continue ReadingI don’t get all the hate …
I don’t get all the hate for chubby chasers. Some of us just prefer performing under pressure.
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