I was thinking of putting in an offer to buy Samsonite but I’ve decided it comes with too much baggage.
I’ve never heard of a Dan …
I’ve never heard of a Dangerou before but apparently there are loads of them at the zoo. Every other cage has a sign saying: ‘These animals are Dangerous’.
An apple a day keeps the …
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and a clove of garlic a day keeps everyone away.
David Cameron has pledged …
David Cameron has pledged to help White Families adopt Black Babies more quickly…Or “Madonna’s Law” as it will be more commonly known
I just bought a new Satna …
I just bought a new Satnav, however it isn’t very precise. When I ask it for directions all it ever says is, “Round about now”
I used to be in stocks an …
I used to be in stocks and shares, but I lost interest
I’ll only play snooker wi …
I’ll only play snooker with people on condition that I have the first shot. It’s a habit I’ve got to break.
I was walking in the park …
I was walking in the park earlier when a little Labrador puppy came running up to me. He was so cute that I had to pick him up but his owner screamed at me instantly, “Put him down.” I thought it was strange and harsh but I obliged by smashing the little guy’s head against […]
Leotard…. A lion wit …
Leotard…. A lion with downs syndrome
I’ve never really had the …
I’ve never really had the chance to say this often, so this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this.
My wife was preparing lun …
My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked, “Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?” “Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.
I haven’t got the guts to …
I haven’t got the guts to tell the people in the “making their own ice” Baileys advert that I urinated on their roof and ontop of their letterbox.
I broke into my neighbour …
I broke into my neighbours house and took a bath. I gave myself a hernia getting it down the stairs.
I’m hosting a panel show …
I’m hosting a panel show later. It’s about fencing.
If at first you don’t suc …
If at first you don’t succeed, you must be using Windows.