QJOQ

I was thinking of putting in an offer to buy Samsonite but I’ve decided it comes with too much baggage.

I’ve never heard of a Dangerou before but apparently there are loads of them at the zoo. Every other cage has a sign saying: ‘These animals are Dangerous’.

I just bought a new Satnav, however it isn’t very precise. When I ask it for directions all it ever says is, “Round about now”

I used to be in stocks and shares, but I lost interest

I’ll only play snooker with people on condition that I have the first shot. It’s a habit I’ve got to break.

I was walking in the park earlier when a little Labrador puppy came running up to me. He was so cute that I had to pick him up but his owner screamed at me instantly, “Put him down.” I thought it was strange and harsh but I obliged by smashing the little guy’s head against […]

My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked, “Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?” “Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.

I broke into my neighbours house and took a bath. I gave myself a hernia getting it down the stairs.

I’m hosting a panel show later. It’s about fencing.