Daily Mail columnist Jan …
Daily Mail columnist Jan Moir has been accused of dancing on Steven Gatelys grave for money. What a mug, after today well all be able to dance on his grave for free.
Continue Reading“Do you accept cards as p …
“Do you accept cards as payment?” I asked the lad in the takeaway. “Of course, Sir”, he replied, smiling. “Great”, I replied, “this one is an old birthday card.”
Continue ReadingTwo blondes were sat in t …
Two blondes were sat in traffic on the road. One says “It’s normally much quicker than this.” “Last time we got a lift with Dave though.” the driver replies. “What’s that got to do with it?” says the first. “Well, he knew how to make the engine start.”
Continue ReadingJames Bond goes to a Chri …
James Bond goes to a Christmas fancy dress party, one of his friends say to him, “James, you smell absolutely lovely! But what have you come as?” To which he replies, “A mint spy”
Continue ReadingMy elder brother is reall …
My elder brother is really vain. My earliest memories are of him standing in front of a mirror. Until I was four years old, I thought he was twins.
Continue ReadingMy mum lost her battle wi …
My mum lost her battle with Cancer yesterday. She was spitting some sick rhymes though.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you cross an encyclopaedia with a homeless person? A personal appeal from Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales
Continue ReadingGraham Onions is such a g …
Graham Onions is such a good cricketer. Just watching him brings a tear to my eye.
Continue ReadingWatching the beach volley …
Watching the beach volleyball just now. People try to put it down but it requires excellent hand-eye co-ordination… seemingly it’s even harder when your playing it!
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend’s just left …
My girlfriend’s just left me because i told her i loved Paedophillia… i thought everybody liked cream cheese spread?
Continue ReadingNever ask a black barman …
Never ask a black barman for a shot.
Continue ReadingI texted my friend earlie …
I texted my friend earlier saying, ‘I’m having a party for my birthday.’ He replied, ‘That’s not much information mate, elaborate?’ I said, ‘Not really, just a few people round for some beers.’
Continue ReadingWhy did the right angle t …
Why did the right angle triangle go to the beach? Because it was 90 degrees.
Continue ReadingThe body of a second US s …
The body of a second US sailor missing in Afghanistan has been found. I’d guess he drowned when he fell off his ship of the desert.
Continue ReadingI’ve started doing a magi …
I’ve started doing a magic act for the people I’ve kidanpped. I like to have a captive audience.
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