A man was arrested for st …
A man was arrested for stealing the gold leaf off trophies, but was later released due to lack of evidence. He showed no sign of guilt.
Continue ReadingWell I’ve read this book …
Well I’ve read this book on etiquette from cover to cover. Just what is the correct way that I should eat this fried chicken in a bucket?
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a man wear …
I’ve just seen a man wearing a top saying, ‘Sarcasm is one of the many services I offer’. So I said ‘Nice T-shirt mate.’
Continue ReadingI had to write an account …
I had to write an accounts report for Sampsonite. It was a case study.
Continue ReadingSo David Cameron leaves h …
So David Cameron leaves his 8 year old daughter in a pub in Cadsden, Bucks. If that had happened in Newcastle, the 8 year old would be thinking, “Cooool, a lock in!”
Continue ReadingMy Wife has a really pret …
My Wife has a really pretty face, but the only problem is she is carrying a bit of timber. I’ve told her working at the lumber yard isn’t very lady like.
Continue ReadingA guy with one leg asked …
A guy with one leg asked me for some spare change. I told him to hop it.
Continue ReadingI’m so with it, I start a …
I’m so with it, I start all my prayers with OMG
Continue ReadingI got the worst ever hang …
I got the worst ever hangover this morning. Last time I buy a DVD from that market again.
Continue ReadingThey say that time heals …
They say that time heals all wounds. Well, I just dug up my grandad and he is still very much dead.
Continue ReadingToday it’s Timmy’s birthd …
Today it’s Timmy’s birthday, my Down’s syndrome dwarf nephew. My wife and son and I went round to my sister’s place to celebrate. After the main course, the kids were sent upstairs to play with Timmy’s toys. Halfway through the night I went to the bathroom, and I heard, to my dismay, my son making […]
Continue ReadingMy mate packed in his job …
My mate packed in his job at McDonalds. He couldn’t take it any more. He said the boss was a clown.
Continue ReadingI was chatting to a girl …
I was chatting to a girl at the bar I bragged, “I should have been going to the Olympics in London this year if it wasn’t for injury.” “Wow!” She said surprised, “what have you done?” “I’ve pulled a muscle in my back” I replied, “Been off work for weeks and can’t afford my ticket.”
Continue ReadingMy wife came home last ni …
My wife came home last night with some news. She said, “Well firstly, I’ve managed to get a part in the egyptian play I’ve auditioned for.” “Well done!” I beamed, “You must be so happy.” “I certainly am,” she smiled, “Even more so that I found out I’m going to be a mummy.” “Oh, don’t […]
Continue ReadingI can definitely see myse …
I can definitely see myself getting old with my current girlfriend. In less than a year, probably.
Continue Reading