What do you call someone …
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
Continue ReadingHow has Walkers raised 1m …
How has Walkers raised 1million pound for comic relief? By half filling their bags of crisps.
Continue ReadingLast night I went to a fa …
Last night I went to a fancy dress where we had to show up in trousers that were too long. Everyone turned up.
Continue ReadingI got mugged the other da …
I got mugged the other day, it’s a hard life being a tea bag
Continue ReadingI constantly stalk women …
I constantly stalk women that wear perfume. That’s Obsession for you.
Continue ReadingThe woman next door was f …
The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom . How she got her car in there I’ll never know.
Continue ReadingBBC News : PM says James …
BBC News : PM says James Murdoch has ‘questions to answer’. Politicians complaining about not getting a straight answer? Annoying isn’t it Mr Cameron?
Continue Reading“Warning As Boa Constrict …
“Warning As Boa Constrictor Goes On The Loose” Elsewhere, poisonous spider goes on the anti-venom
Continue ReadingWhat’s black and looks go …
What’s black and looks good on my wife? The bin liners I’ve just wrapped her battered corpse in.
Continue ReadingI took my new puppy for h …
I took my new puppy for his first shots today, but the poor thing threw up everywhere. Probably should have started him on something weaker than Sambuca.
Continue ReadingI recently bought my wife …
I recently bought my wife a ring that she had wanted for years, only to find out it didn’t fit. When I took it back, the guy at Curry’s said we’ll have to get a whole new hob.
Continue Readingi went into a fancy dress …
i went into a fancy dress shop yesterday and asked if they had any long sticks used for jousting at medievil events, they said they didn’t stock them. You just can’t get the Staff these days
Continue ReadingI just installed one of t …
I just installed one of those ‘Clappers’ to my living room lights, was showing them off to a couple of my musician friends last night, they loved taking it in turns… John clapped off and Eric Clapton
Continue ReadingI started work today desi …
I started work today designing cul-de-sacs. I know it’s a dead end job.
Continue ReadingI was in an old Edinburgh …
I was in an old Edinburgh boozer when the barman asked: “What’ll it be, son?” I replied: “Lothian’s finest Scotch, double.” Imagine my dismay when The Proclaimers wondered in, guitars and all.
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