I was going to adopt a ki …
I was going to adopt a killer whale through the RSPCA. But then I thought that I didn’t really feel like breaking the news to it that I’m not his real father.
Continue ReadingI never really understood …
I never really understood what irony was. Until I saw a female ambulance driver.
Continue ReadingMy mates say that I’m alw …
My mates say that I’m always too soft on my girlfriend. I said, “Of course I am, would you be able to get it up with something like that?”
Continue ReadingJust been to the Doctors, …
Just been to the Doctors, He was very impressed with my footwear, He said i had healthy shoes.
Continue ReadingThis evening I walked out …
This evening I walked out of my cottage door, dusk was just falling and there was still a gentle and pleasing warmth from the day. Sweet pea and lavender scent filled the air, with deeper notes counterpointing from the bougainvillea and honeysuckle. The sun, low and blood red against the horizon threatened to boil the […]
Continue ReadingI learnt yesterday where …
I learnt yesterday where the word peninsular originated, ‘insular’ Latin for Island, ‘Pen’ meaning not quite, ‘peninsular’ literally meaning not quite an island. ‘Pen Friend’ Not quite a friend.
Continue ReadingTo me Osama Bin Laden’s d …
To me Osama Bin Laden’s death is just like the royal wedding. As long as we get a day off I really couldn’t care why.
Continue ReadingI bought a smart car toda …
I bought a smart car today. It has an IQ of 190.
Continue ReadingThe Wife Said She Was Lea …
The Wife Said She Was Leaving Me To Become A Hooker… I Wonder What Rugby Team She’s Gonna Play For?
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me today. …
My wife said to me today. “It’s typical ain’t it, I was lying down to sunbathe then the heavens opened.” I replied, “Well it must be true when they say, if a cow is lying down its going to rain?”
Continue Reading“What do we want?” “Peopl …
“What do we want?” “People to stop saying how weak and pathetic we French are” “When do we want it?” “In your own time,its really not an issue and also,sorry for shouting”
Continue ReadingNews: Australian Surfer ” …
News: Australian Surfer “Torn Apart” in Horrific Shark Attack. Friends pulled his body from the water – and that’s not even the half of it.
Continue ReadingWhen my sister said she w …
When my sister said she was dating Ahmed I feared the worst. As luck would have it I misheard her and she is actually dating a deformed guy with an arm sticking out of his head.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between toilet paper and toast? Toast is brown on both sides.
Continue ReadingPlaying Scrabble in hospi …
Playing Scrabble in hospital is a good way to pick up MRSA.
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