I was telling my mate I g …
I was telling my mate I grounded our baby for screaming so much and he said, “How can you ground a baby?” “With a mortar and pestle.” I replied.
Continue ReadingI want to set up my own b …
I want to set up my own business selling kites. But I just can’t seem to get it off the ground.
Continue ReadingI’ve a serious fear of mi …
I’ve a serious fear of misdirection. But then again, that’s neither here nor there.
Continue ReadingSleep is like coffee for …
Sleep is like coffee for people who have too much time on their hands.
Continue ReadingGrab your taco, you’ve pu …
Grab your taco, you’ve pulled a dyslexic Mexican.
Continue ReadingWhy did I go to Superdrug …
Why did I go to Superdrug in my slippers? Because I didn’t want to go in Boots.
Continue ReadingMy mate made a bet with m …
My mate made a bet with me that I couldn’t make a joke about a flower. But I rose to the challenge.
Continue ReadingMy local cinema has decid …
My local cinema has decided to combat obesity by selling bags of nuts instead of sweets. They call it “Pecan Mix”
Continue ReadingI landed myself in hot wa …
I landed myself in hot water with the fit blonde from next door. Unfortunately, it was when I slipped while peeping through her bathroom skylight.
Continue ReadingNo matter how old you are …
No matter how old you are, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Continue ReadingWe had an Indian take-awa …
We had an Indian take-away delivered last night, Now the fridge stinks of curry. I guess we should dump the body before they start looking for their driver.
Continue ReadingI used to be indecisive.. …
I used to be indecisive… It was a stupid name, no idea why I stuck with it for so long.
Continue ReadingI’d jokingly told my wife …
I’d jokingly told my wife that I wanted a Lamborghini for my birthday. When I got back from work on the big day, all I could smell was Indian food. “I couldn’t find a Lamb Borghini”, she said,”… so I hope a Lamb Bhuna is OK..”
Continue ReadingIt was a customer who sai …
It was a customer who said “The customer is always right”. This is easily deduced from the fact it’s wrong.
Continue ReadingMy new perfume on a mount …
My new perfume on a mountain flowers theme is coming out next week. It’s called “Ascent of Everest.”
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