Was in the gym earlier an …
Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Continue ReadingI don’t really like spice …
I don’t really like spiced chicken but I’ll have it on o-cajun.
Continue ReadingI remember the first time …
I remember the first time my father taught me about the birds and the bees. In fact, he still doesn’t shut up about them! It’s a nightmare being the only son of Bill Oddie.
Continue ReadingI think I’m going on face …
I think I’m going on facebook too much, I had my maths exam today and one of the questions showed a diagram and asked “What is the relationship between angle A and angle B?” All i could think was “it’s complicated.”
Continue ReadingDue to various disabiliti …
Due to various disabilities I can only smell and touch. That’s my two sense worth.
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “Let’s cele …
My wife said, “Let’s celebrate New Year with a bang”. I said, “Yeah OK, as long as mine is with your sister”
Continue ReadingI requested a 10 year old …
I requested a 10 year old from a Roman paedophile ring, but they sent me a 20 year old. I’ve been double crossed.
Continue Reading2B or not 2B? I dont thin …
2B or not 2B? I dont think I’ve ever put this much thought into which shade of pencil to use before.
Continue ReadingI done a stand up gig in …
I done a stand up gig in Bradford last night. I said, “Before I tell some seriously racist jokes, are there any white people here tonight?”
Continue ReadingWife and I were about to …
Wife and I were about to get into an arguement over what coffee would be suitable for our cafetiere. Luckily we found the Medium Ground.
Continue ReadingOld people: Make your nei …
Old people: Make your neighbours think you have died during the big freeze by not answering your door and leaving your decorations up until March.
Continue ReadingThe man who smiles when t …
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Continue Reading‘Scouting For Girls’, sur …
‘Scouting For Girls’, surely they mean Girl Guides
Continue ReadingI’ve been really down in …
I’ve been really down in the dumps lately. So I thought I’d cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. But when I picked up the jar of Branston it said “reject if depressed”, so now I’m off to take an overdose.
Continue ReadingMy New Year’s resolution …
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.
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