Following the results of …
Following the results of the pregnancy test I bought my wife the biggest, cutest “Congratulations you’re having a period” card money could buy.
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I am going to Ipswich later. I am banned from too many websites on this one
Continue ReadingA drunk clown walks into …
A drunk clown walks into a shop next to a bar. The shopkeeper says ‘This Jokes gone one step too far’
Continue ReadingA huge shark knocked on t …
A huge shark knocked on the door of my castle. “You’re going to need a bigger moat.” He said.
Continue ReadingMrs. O’Reilly is in the b …
Mrs. O’Reilly is in the big city for the first time and checks into a hotel. After only a few minutes, she gets very angry: “Just because I’m from out in the country doesn’t mean you can put me in this tiny room with no windows!” “This is the lift,” says the bellboy.
Continue ReadingI traded in my iPhone tod …
I traded in my iPhone today for something useful. A life.
Continue ReadingWhat is black, white and …
What is black, white and red? A penguin with a red hat on it’s head. The hat is at a jaunty angle and looks really cute.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said, “Fanc …
My girlfriend said, “Fancy a bit of phone fun tonight?” I said, “Yeah, definitely. Let’s call your mum and tell her you’ve died.”
Continue ReadingIf I could be invisible f …
If I could be invisible for a day, I would just sit in my house. So I could see what it’s like when I’m not there.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got back from a …
I’ve just got back from a boy scouts’ and girl guides’ jamboree. The excitement was intense.
Continue ReadingJust been to Tesco and sw …
Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can’t believe the currant exchange rate!
Continue ReadingMy son missed out on an A …
My son missed out on an A in Maths. He spelt it “mths” and failed his English exam.
Continue ReadingMy wife said I’m an idiot …
My wife said I’m an idiot who can’t do the simplest of things right. So I packed her bags and left.
Continue ReadingI just had a Turkey and C …
I just had a Turkey and Chile sandwich, and to be honest, I haited it, they’re also hard to eat when the plate keeps shifting!
Continue ReadingWhat was the most debatab …
What was the most debatable event at the London Olympics? The Discuss
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