How do you make a hormone …
How do you make a hormone? I’ll give you a hint. It’s in your genes.
Continue ReadingA man goes into the docto …
A man goes into the doctor and says: Man: “Doctor im having these visions where i see into the future.” Doctor: “When did this all start” Man: “Next Thursday around dinner time”
Continue ReadingI’m a librarian with tour …
I’m a librarian with tourettes syndrome. My life’s a joke.
Continue ReadingFinally, I’ve achieved my …
Finally, I’ve achieved my childhood dream of becoming an artist. I’m drawing the dole.
Continue ReadingMy mum lost her life earl …
My mum lost her life earlier, she joined Facebook..
Continue ReadingMy brother and I played a …
My brother and I played a game this Christmas – the winner was the first to name their worst Christmas present besides socks and underwear. It was a tie.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call an explo …
What do you call an exploding Monkey? Baboom!
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to do a spot …
I’ve decided to do a spot of painting today, then i’m gonna watch it dry well i need a bit of excitement after the match last night
Continue ReadingI was chatting to a coupl …
I was chatting to a couple of girls today. I said, “Give me your numbers and we can go out for a drink sometime”. One of the girls said, “Okay, give us two secs.” I said, “No problem, that’s exactly what I had in mind.”
Continue ReadingRecord wind speeds have b …
Record wind speeds have been predicted across Europe, with gusts between 45 and 78RPM.
Continue ReadingMy Aunt said to me: “Your …
My Aunt said to me: “Your cousin is only a year old and he’s been walking for 6 months.” I thought: “Really? He must be very tired.”
Continue ReadingI was trying to pull a gi …
I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her ‘What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of “pensi”?’ It was as she pulled my trousers down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was […]
Continue ReadingSo Fifty-six percent of a …
So Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. That must mean The other 44% carry babies.
Continue ReadingLeave yourself a note bes …
Leave yourself a note beside your toothpaste for when you are drunk. “Not astronaut food”.
Continue Reading“Please don’t take this t …
“Please don’t take this the wrong way” said the wife as she removed the enema from my mouth.
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