Studies have proven that …
Studies have proven that cats are smarter than dogs. How many cats do you see sat by a homeless person?
Continue ReadingMy mate said the drink I …
My mate said the drink I bought him tasted funny. It was a cheap shot.
Continue ReadingWhen dining with African …
When dining with African Americans, be wary of overusing the word ‘beef’. For example, if there is a piece of beef between you and a fellow diner, for your own safety, refrain from stating that fact aloud.
Continue ReadingA Tesco manager overheard …
A Tesco manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for quite some time now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any more.” Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t […]
Continue ReadingMy wife hasn’t said a wor …
My wife hasn’t said a word since getting attacked at the zoo. I think the cat must have her tongue.
Continue ReadingMy wife suggested we get …
My wife suggested we get a new door knocker. So I came back with a Jehovah’s Witness.
Continue ReadingMy new sat-nav has revolu …
My new sat-nav has revolutionised my life. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be here today without it.
Continue ReadingSky News: Wyclef Jean ‘To …
Sky News: Wyclef Jean ‘To Run’ For Haiti Presidency Don’t you think they’ve had enough refugees?
Continue ReadingWhat cheese do you use to …
What cheese do you use to get a bear down from a tree? Camembert.
Continue ReadingMy car smells like Cherry …
My car smells like Cherry Menthol. I’ve just had it Tuned.
Continue ReadingI’m auditioning for my he …
I’m auditioning for my head double, but only asking epileptics. I want to make sure the face fits.
Continue ReadingWhat are long, hard and d …
What are long, hard and delicious? Adjectives.
Continue ReadingDespite not being a stron …
Despite not being a strong swimmer, I can’t stop myself from joining in with other people’s routines down at the local pool. I just can’t swim without synching.
Continue ReadingI asked a girl back to mi …
I asked a girl back to mine last night for a bit of “How’s your father”, if you know what I mean. Turns out he’s very well, and his allotment is thriving in this weather.
Continue ReadingI love work. It fascinate …
I love work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours…
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