TEACHER: Why are you late …
TEACHER: Why are you late? JOHNNY: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? JOHNNY: The one that says, “School Ahead, Slow down
Continue ReadingMy wife always cooks our …
My wife always cooks our Christmas Ham in a bottle of wine. I have no idea how she gets it in there, but it tastes brilliant.
Continue ReadingWith the new year just st …
With the new year just starting, it has got me thinking about change and how it can be a good thing… especially when you don’t want to break into that 20
Continue ReadingI just dropped my iPhone …
I just dropped my iPhone in the bath. It’s syncing.
Continue ReadingMy brother, a youtube fan …
My brother, a youtube fanatic, just lost his virginity with his girlfriend. I was really proud of him until I heard he wrote ‘First!’ on the poor girl’s forehead in permanent marker.
Continue ReadingI’ve just read my local n …
I’ve just read my local newspaper. It had stories about snails, slugs and tortoises. Must be a slow news day.
Continue ReadingMe and my mates played a …
Me and my mates played a football match against a load of Marines yesterday. At half time they brought on a Chinese bloke. I thought to myself, he’s a yellow sub marine.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic what you …
Isn’t it ironic what you get when you take all the vowels out of female
Continue ReadingBlack holes suck …
Black holes suck
Continue ReadingI’m a firestarter, twiste …
I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter. I’m also serving a life sentence at Broadmoor prison.
Continue Readingmy wife asked me watch ou …
my wife asked me watch our 6 month old baby in the bath…. i did. …. he drowned
Continue ReadingMy best mate told me I us …
My best mate told me I use internet jokes too often. I was so shocked, I almost fell off the bandwagon.
Continue ReadingWhat would happen if you …
What would happen if you poured self-raising flour on an orphan?
Continue ReadingAll of my ideas for impro …
All of my ideas for improving my posture have so far failed. Back to the drawing board then.
Continue ReadingCustomer: I’m running Wi …
Customer: I’m running Windows Vista… Helpdesk: Yes… Customer: And my computer isn’t working! Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.
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