A snail can travel over a …
A snail can travel over a razor blade without cutting itself. Or to put it another way, sometimes scientists get bored.
Continue ReadingMy father always told me …
My father always told me “Son, never trust anyone.” Well, he claimed he was my father, anyway.
Continue ReadingI was on a safari in afri …
I was on a safari in africa last week and the tour guide was naming diffrent animal groups. “Thats a pride of lions” He said A tower of giraffes A flight of birds Then he said herd of elephants… So i said Yes
Continue ReadingI stopped mid station tod …
I stopped mid station today because I had something in my shoe. It turned out to be my foot.
Continue ReadingI know my goldfish loves …
I know my goldfish loves it when I take him out of his bowl. He wags his tail a lot.
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the wo …
Did you hear about the woman who left her husband because he was a suicide bomber? He was in pieces.
Continue ReadingMe and my son were stoppe …
Me and my son were stopped in the high street today by a woman and man from cancer research asking for donations. “I don’t have much money,” I said. “Just give what you can go without,” they replied. “Okay then,” I said, “son, meet your new parents.”
Continue ReadingMy third wife is leaving …
My third wife is leaving me because I’m an arsonist. Oh well, that’s another relationship up in smoke.
Continue ReadingI’m doing my bit for Chil …
I’m doing my bit for Children In Need, I’m feeding them through the cage tonight.
Continue ReadingI asked my son to fix som …
I asked my son to fix some shelves while I was at work but he chose to smoke weed all day instead. All that time wasted.
Continue Reading“I consider myself truly …
“I consider myself truly fortunate to be in the company of such a wonderful woman” I said, reaching across and taking her hand. “You look ravishing my dear, and that outfit suits you so well. Look at us! Fate has thrust us together and we can dance on love’s outstretched arm tonight. The food, the […]
Continue ReadingSorcery – Like a saucer. …
Sorcery – Like a saucer. Sorcerer – More like a saucer.
Continue ReadingI bought half a mast toda …
I bought half a mast today. It was a 50% SAIL.
Continue ReadingI wonder if tiger woods w …
I wonder if tiger woods wife is out clubbing tonight
Continue ReadingMy mate said vampires can …
My mate said vampires can’t be real as they could get AIDs from peoples blood, I replied back “It depends on the colour of the person they bite”
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