I feel sorry for kids now …
I feel sorry for kids nowadays, especially when they see a toy advertised on television. They want it but can’t have it because their parents have to be 18 or older to buy it.
Continue ReadingIrony – Thieves stealing …
Irony – Thieves stealing your Burgler Alarm.
Continue ReadingI commute a lot, so I bou …
I commute a lot, so I bought one of those new Apple iPads so I can read virtual books on long journeys. It’s brilliant, it’s just like reading a normal book except it runs out of batteries and it gives me a migraine.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. Unfortunately the library was all out, so the librarian just offered him Twilight.
Continue ReadingI can see into the future …
I can see into the future, but only good things. I’m an optimystic.
Continue Reading“Well, I’m not so sure… …
“Well, I’m not so sure…” I hesitantly admitted. “Please, think of the children otherwise doomed to grow up in poverty!” he pleaded. Dad narrowly managed to convince me to get an abortion.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s banned me from …
My wife’s banned me from using facebook, after posting a picture of her to my daughters request for a cow on farmville.
Continue ReadingDespite being mute myself …
Despite being mute myself, it really frustrates me when I see other mutes trying to communicate with each other. Oh well, I’m not one to talk
Continue ReadingI got wrongfully arrested …
I got wrongfully arrested yesterday for stealing a poppy. They tried to pin it on me.
Continue ReadingI avoid deadly diseases l …
I avoid deadly diseases like the plague.
Continue ReadingOn the up side, there is …
On the up side, there is a ceiling.
Continue ReadingTributes are FLOODING in …
Tributes are FLOODING in for PC Bill the bobbing bobby Barker.
Continue ReadingI won a bet with my mate …
I won a bet with my mate that I could squash all the juice out of a citrus fruit in one go It was easy peasy lemon squeazy.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend threatened …
My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I kept telling people about her personal life. But she’s had trust issues ever since she found out she was adopted.
Continue ReadingThe other day me and my f …
The other day me and my friends were ‘talking to spirits’ in an old prison. Hesitantly I asked, “how many of you are here? Knock one out for each person”. For the next 4 hours there was constant bangs, I guess he’d taken my Request literally.
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