BBC News – “Five-a-day wi …
BBC News – “Five-a-day will not cut cancer”. It will for me… …I’d normally smoke 40.
Continue ReadingIrony is the feel of an i …
Irony is the feel of an ironed shirt.
Continue ReadingI wrote the book on learn …
I wrote the book on learning to read. We sold twelve copies.
Continue ReadingDo you think people from …
Do you think people from Norfolk realise the irony that Sister is an anagram of resist?
Continue ReadingObama compared the BP oil …
Obama compared the BP oil spill to 9/11. So in Obama terms can i compare my burnt toast to Hiroshima?
Continue ReadingOne day I want to become …
One day I want to become a famous actor and win an Oscar, just so I can paint it green and stick it in a tiny dustbin.
Continue ReadingI had a fight with a piec …
I had a fight with a piece of wood yesterday. I decked it.
Continue ReadingThe postman mistakenly pu …
The postman mistakenly pushed a copy of Relativity magazine through my door the other day. I shouted after him, “Excuse me! I don’t subscribe to this theory.”
Continue ReadingThe Yanks have decided to …
The Yanks have decided to bomb Downing Street now David Cameron has a cat. They think they’ve found weapons of mouse destruction.
Continue ReadingNothing says “I’m a fat, …
Nothing says “I’m a fat, ugly slag with a 400 car” quite like a ‘Babe on board’ window sign…
Continue ReadingNeed overpriced, average …
Need overpriced, average clothes? There’s a Gap for that.
Continue ReadingI’ve just bought this new …
I’ve just bought this new glue that dries super quickly. I think it might contain Shergar.
Continue ReadingMy unemployment joke need …
My unemployment joke needs some work.
Continue ReadingI’ve never liked windmill …
I’ve never liked windmills. I know that’s going against the grain…
Continue ReadingI wonder how police on bi …
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket!”
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