Category: work

Apparently, giving the candidate a blunt knife and frozen mustard and then asking him to slice was an inappropriate way of letting them know that they didn’t get the job.

My boss called me into his office earlier. He said, “Do you think it’s acceptable to stagger into work at 11am stinking of booze?” I said, “Yeah, go for it mate.” I’m now unemployed.

I’ve just got myself a job for life… replacing the pitch at Wembley.

I was working at a mine the other day when I asked the manager whether I should put the Iron or Steel in the smelter. “It doesn’t matter.” He replied, “Either ore.”

My mate told me that since he’d started wearing a shirt and tie to work, people took him far more seriously. The other brickies just laughed at me when I tried it.

I dig graves for a living. It wasn’t a planned career, I just fell into it.

I thought my interview for the local lifeguard job went well,so imagine my shock when I received the phone call to say I had not been successful. “Can I just ask why I didnt get it?” I asked in an annoyed voice. “Well,you came across really well,but your attire left a lot to be desired” […]

I turned up to my first day of work at a local restaurant. I walked up to a chef and said, ‘Hey, it’s my first day. What should I do first?’ ‘Wait a second’ he replied. Shortest shift ever.

This site was banned from all the computers at work today. The Boss said that it was because of the level of adult content published on the site…. I think that’s ironic as about 90% of the content is child related.

My boss called me in today and asked if I’d agree to work shorter hours in the current economic climate. “Thanks very much” I replied, “How about 40 minutes instead of 60?”

My last job interview did not go well. The guy asked me to show him my testimonials. Next thing I know I’m being escorted off the premises.

My colleagues reckon I’m quite patronising. I told them they wouldn’t understand.

My employers pay me just enough to stop me quitting. So I do just enough work to not get sacked.

It’s our ‘health a safety officers’ night out tonight. We’re going to paint the town in a hypoallergenic red paint, but only to a height of 2 metres, therefore eliminating the need for anyone to climb unsafely or overstretch themselves.

My work announced today that our call centre is being moved to India. I can’t wait. It will be nice moving to somehwere hot and on my salary I will be able to live like a king.