Category: work

I was filling in for a mate last week. He’ll be in big trouble if anyone finds out I’m not a real dentist.

While you were eating your turkey dinner today, I hope you spared a moment to think about those who are cold and alone this Christmas. Working. And only getting time and a half.

My mate was complaining that the factory he works in is full of immigrant workers. I said, “It makes you wish you’d paid attention at school, doesn’t it?”

On a recent job application, the form said ‘If you could give our business a new slogan, what would it be?’ So I wrote, ‘Pigs Might Fly’. I didn’t get the job with the Police helicopter unit.

My boss hauled me into his office and accused me of skiving the day before. He said “you called in sick and I know you played golf.” I said “that’s nonsense and I’ve got the fish to prove it.”

All this talk about it being a waste of money doing a degree is nonsense. As a recent media studies graduate I’ve got at least three multinationals knocking at my door. Pizza Hut, KFC and McDonalds!

Top Tip!! Office Managers, need to reduce staffing levels but can’t decide who to lay off? Have a game of musical chairs. The loser is made redundant and has already had their leaving party.

I was late for work this morning, then my boss said, “You’d better have a good excuse as to why you are late this morning.” I said, “Well I had a dream that I was playing football.” He said, “And then?” I replied, “Then it went on to extra time.”

So the BNP have taken 2 seats in the European Parliament. What is it with these migrants, going over there, taking their jobs.

I’ve decided to get a job at Broadmoor. I’m just looking for something with a little more security.

Wanted: Security guard to work one night shift, every six months. Excellent pay Location: Antarctica Hours per shift: 4,032

Today I decided to leave work an hour early. You should have seen the look on the co-pilot’s face as I grabbed the parachute.

I got a new job at a Chinese restaurant. It’s dog eat dog!

I went for a job interview earlier today, and the interviewer asked me to name 5 weaknesses. I told him: I find it difficult to lead a large team. Hard to work under pressure. I rush to finish my work, which affects the quality. And finally, I often forget what instructions people may give me.

My boss was right when he told me that first impressions last with customers. That lady wont forget my impression of her disabled son in a hurry!