Category: work

I’ve been trying to read the Encyclopedia Britannica but keep getting thrown out of the library for shouting at the staff I can never find the right volume

Afternoons really drag working in this Jewellers Shop. It seems like it’s been 10 to 2 for ever!

I saw a girl with a poster that read: Diagnosed with Bipolar. Can’t work. Please help. I told my mate not to give her anything, she might not be happy about it.

I always get aroused after showers. In fact, they’re the main reason I teach P.E.

Ashamed of being reconised while signing on at the dole office ?? Then simply log onto Facebook chat around 2:13am any morning, see whos online and avoid them.

“In this job we need someone who is responsible,” said an employer to a prospective employee. “I’m your man,” replied the potential employee. “On my last job, every time things went wrong, they said I was responsible”.

There are lots of people getting fired where I work. Mind you, I do work at a crematorium.

They say that Air Traffic Controllers and Dentists have the highest suicide rates of any other professions. Really? I would’ve gone with Suicide Bombers.

Since I told my employees that they’d all be getting something extra in their pay packets next month, staff morale has been at an all time high and productivity has gone through the roof. They’re going to be gutted when they realise that it’s their P45s.

Going around a council estate on a weekday morning dressed in a suit pretending to be a bailiff is a great way to get free blow-jobs.

I’ve written a feature-length screenplay about a group of black men who make dynamite for a living. It’s called “Nig Nog’s and Boomsticks”.

I bought my new boss a mirror as a welcoming gift but it turned out to be faulty. It’s not going to reflect well.

I’ve really been pushing the envelope at work lately. I’m a Postman

My boss Mr Iced new born infant has recently died after its pushchair slid onto a frozen pond and he has asked me to pick out the music to play at its funeral. Looking back i may have missed the opportunity to make quite funny joke.

Up until yesterday, I worked as part of a firework display team and accidently set some off in the wrong sequence. They sacked me on the spot and I just think it’s bang out of order.