Category: wordplay

I just heard that Canada has stopped producing pennies. It just doesn’t make any cents.

I don’t know why the word “purposeless” is in the English language. My dictionary says it has no meaning.

Genetics has taught us one very important thing: Every girl you meet is a double crosser.

My wife and her baby talk is killing me. I wish she would speak like an adult.

My dad never loved me as a child. I can’t blame him really. I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

I love surprising my wife. Especially since her heart attack.

I would learn to play guitar, but there are too many strings attached.

I lend people money if they agree to be my friend. I’m a bit of a loaner.

I have spent the last few days in Amersham, a town in Buckinghamshire and had a great time. It’s just like Amsterdam, only with less STDs.

It was only when I woke up inside a coffin under 6ft of soil that I realised I was in grave danger.

My mate told me he’s been beating up sea fish….. sounds like cods-wallop to me

People who don’t smile into mirrors are generally frowned upon.

I’ve got a new job selling mansized Kleenex on the high street. The sales pitch is easy. “Big Tissue!”

A naked man told me I’m going to die tomorrow It was a stark warning

I have successfully made a group of lemurs brain-damaged. The plot thickens.