Category: wordplay

I bought my wife a 24 carrot necklace. She said, “Couldn’t you have got a gold one instead?”

When I was a kid “birthday beats” meant you were gonna get punched, now it just means that your parents bought you some new headphones.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

I swore at someone in French this morning. After that I punched someone in Maths and smashed a desk up in History.

My girlfriend prepared a fried breakfast for me this morning. It was panned by the critics.

Have you seen those bottles of wine with Braille on them? Must be for when you get blind drunk.

When me and my best friend left school we got a job dividing countries. We both made a Korea out of it.

I was in the library when my mate sent me the funniest joke by text. So I replied, ‘los’

Earlier this afternoon, I employed a gardener called Anita Bush.

Really proud of myself, just past a spelling test.

Statistically 2 in 1 people prefer Spit-Roasts.

BBC sport: Tiger Woods misses cut. That could be revenge, hope he’s got a good alibi?

I was out walking last winter, when I got caught in a heavy shower of freezing rain. I don’t really remember what followed… I just sort of glazed over.

I see that Madonna has bought herself another little black number on mail order.

A new craze from China is set to take over from planking. People all over the country are covering themselves in light brown paint. They’re calling it Beijing.