Category: wordplay

I told my friend I’m only funny from a certain angle. He didn’t see the funny side.

I absolutley destroyed my wife in the sack the other day… She beat me in egg and spoon though.

“Mate, can you come over here and help me do the barbie?” Said Ken.

Did you hear about the constipated alphabet? It needed a vowel movement.

What do you call a muslim who’s brought legal action against his own mother? Mahsoud.

I’ve read about a third of a dictionary now but I’m still only on ‘Introduction’.

Due to various disabilities I can only smell and touch. That’s my two sense worth.

My wife said, “Let’s celebrate New Year with a bang”. I said, “Yeah OK, as long as mine is with your sister”

I requested a 10 year old from a Roman paedophile ring, but they sent me a 20 year old. I’ve been double crossed.

2B or not 2B? I dont think I’ve ever put this much thought into which shade of pencil to use before.

I’ve been really down in the dumps lately. So I thought I’d cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. But when I picked up the jar of Branston it said “reject if depressed”, so now I’m off to take an overdose.

My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.

I worry about the current rate of inflation. I’m not sure my blow up doll can take much more!

Golf: Putting the putting into putting.

To me, ‘Judicious’ isn’t a legal term. It’s why women wear Washing-Up gloves.